NOTE FROM SUSAN: I recently found a new friend in Dr. Louise Hart. She is an amazing parenting expert, educator, public speaker, author, adventurer and all-round incredible woman. She has fabulous information for parents and families on her website, www.drlouisehart.com, and in her books, including The Winning Family. I’m certain you’ll find the following article by Dr. Hart, “Twelve Tips for a Happier Family,” to be well worth the read. Enjoy!


Twelve Tips for a Happier Family
by Dr. Louise Hart

It is in our nature to pursue happiness; why, then, is misery so common? How is it that the rates of depression in the U.S. are ten times higher than they were 50 years ago? And how is it that the average age for the onset of depression is 14, as compared to 29 in the 1960s? Where have we gone wrong?

Fortunately, there is good news: The Positive Psychology movement has ushered in the new Science of Happiness. We now know that happiness can be learned. In this article you will find proven tools and simple strategies for improving the quality of your life. An uplifting approach, new skills, and different choices can make a world of difference in your life. When you make positive choices, you begin an upward spiral. Things will just keep getting better and better.

Here are Twelve “Happiness Boosters”:

1. Close relationships. The most important factor in a satisfying life is having close relationships. Brain research tells us that humans are “hardwired for connection.” As we improve our ability to get along with others, family life gets better and better.

2. A sense of purpose. In order to be happy, we need to have a sense of direction, a sense of purpose. Children give our lives new meaning and a profound sense of purpose. All the things we do for them on a daily basis -- feed, clothe, and comfort them, and teach and support them -- are part of our mission to be good parents.

3. Nurture positive emotion. When we are enjoying positive feelings, we are creative, expansive, and tolerant. When we are in a good mood we are more likable, and our connections are likely to improve. This is also true for our children and our partners. It’s worth the effort to put more positive emotion into their lives and our own.

4. Positive expectations. When adults have negative expectations of children, they project those expectations onto their kids. Kids “read” that. They don’t want to disappoint you, so they are likely to do what you really don’t want them to do. Children live up to -- or down to -- your expectations. Expecting good things of them will inspire the positive behaviors you want.

5. Improve your listening skills. Think back to a time when you had something important to say and you were not listened to. What happened inside of you? Now remember a time when the person really listened, hanging on to your every word. You felt important, loved, worthwhile. Good listening is a gift -- to both the speaker and the listener. It is an opportunity to be in tune with another person, to experience his or her inner world, to have empathy, and to be connected. This skill is crucial for connecting with others and for being happy.

6. Keep feelings moving. To be healthy and happy we need to know how to deal with a full range of feelings. “Healthy kids emote all the time; they roar and cry and yell and giggle and keep their emotions in motion, moving through them.” (The Winning Family, Louise Hart) All emotions are okay. You can help your children move through their emotions by letting them express those emotions. Then you can help them put a name to each emotion. When kids can “talk it out” they don’t have to “act it out.” They don’t have to hold their feelings inside. Becoming comfortable with all of your own feelings can help you re-parent yourself as you parent your child.

7. Let go of perfectionism. “Perfectionism is the world’s greatest con game. It’s a concept that doesn’t fit reality.” (On the Wings of Self-Esteem, Louise Hart) My favorite definition of a perfectionist is: someone who takes great pains and gives them to others! Humans are not perfect. Kids drop, spill, and forget things, and so do we. When we expect “perfect” we end up being frustrated, disappointed, and angry -- very unhappy. Decide right now to stop pretending to be perfect. Laugh at bloopers. Resolve to learn how to let go of perfectionism.

8. Play more. Be silly. Have more fun. When we play, important things are happening beneath the surface. The thrill of being alive pervades our bodies. If you have forgotten how to play, your children can help you remember. My children helped me remember some wonderful old games like hide-and-seek and squirt-gun fights. They even encouraged me to try new games like hacky-sack and skateboarding. Through our children we can see the world with fresh eyes. With them we can cut loose from stuffy adultness, be totally foolish, and get away with being unforgivably silly! We can reclaim forgotten parts of ourselves and rediscover the finer points of childhood. Families -- and life -- are supposed to be fun!

9. Appreciation and gratitude. Moms work hard. Dads work hard. Yet research has found that they mostly don’t feel appreciated. When we don’t feel appreciated, we may feel resentful. We may grumble about how hard we work and how ungrateful everyone is. The good news: Appreciation is easy to give and it can improve the emotional climate in your home. Here’s a homework assignment for you: Make a Gratitude List. Think of five or ten things you are grateful for every day. Do it with your family. Talk about this at dinner or when you’re putting your kids to bed. Focusing on gratitude will make you happier.

10. Simplify, simplify, simplify. We Americans are trying to fit more and more things into less and less time. And it doesn’t work. Too much stuff and too many activities stress and overwhelm us. As the emphasis on material possessions increases, so do the levels of depression. Too much stuff burdens us and distracts us from what really brings us happiness: a sense of purpose and meaning, and playing and having fun on a daily basis.

11. Adjust your focus. Do you see the glass as half-empty or half-full? Do you first see the low grades or the high grades on the report card? Are you a fault-finder or a strength-builder? I remember visiting my mother when I was pregnant with my first child. I wore a dress that I made myself. My peers thought I had done a wonderful job and had told me so, so I was eager to show it off to my mom. I knocked on the door. When she opened it, she looked me over from top to bottom and said, “You have a spot on your dress.” Sadly, she missed the beauty of the garment and my excitement and triumph in creating it. Her focus on finding fault hurt me deeply and disconnected us even further. If she had had a positive focus she could have seen the beauty of the dress and my excitement; it would have been a sweet moment that brought us closer. (She might have mentioned the spot later and helped me remove it. This would have felt like a favor, not an attack.)

12. Emotions are contagious. Little children who are loved and cared for have a natural joy; when you’re in tune with them, their joy can be infectious. Older children, even ten-year-olds, can be taught the skills of optimistic and hopeful thinking and action. In The Optimistic Child, Martin Seligman reports that when children learn to be optimistic and hopeful, their rates of depression are cut in half during puberty. Adults can also learn to be optimistic -- if they really want to learn.

As you apply these tips you will notice an increase in your own positive feelings -- and those of your family members. Begin now and keep at it. Little changes can make a big difference.

Making your kids happy makes you happy. And when you are happy and smiling more, your kids will be happier and laughing more. These choices -- these changes -- can begin an upward spiral towards having a happier family.

© 2010 Dr. Louise Hart is a Community Psychologist, professional speaker, and author of The Winning Family, a guide to Positive Parenting praised by Mothering Magazine -- “Uniquely inspiring, accessible, and non-guilt provoking!”

“As a parent educator for 28 years I have read every parenting book available. This is still the best book there is! It has changed so many lives.” -- Nevin Valentine, Napa Valley College CA

Sign up for the free Positive Parenting Workshop at http://www.drlouisehart.com.




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One of my New Year’s resolutions was to take a yoga class. Unfortunately, like most resolutions, I have yet to follow up on it! But, thankfully, I don’t have to take a class to still wear awesome yoga-inspired clothing. At Swami Boutique, they have yoga-inspired active wear for kids and adults, all designed to give voice to your inner swami! (Swami means “wise teacher.”)

Katie Holley, founder of Swami Boutique, was kind enough to send me this adorable long-sleeved hooded tee:

It says, “same shirt, different day, I recycle.” I love it!

For women, they have shirts, yoga pants and capris, knit hats and tote bags. For kids, they have some great designs and shirt styles from 6 months to 6T. They also offer children’s yoga pants and infant caps. And they carry shirts for men, too! You can order for the whole family and pay only $5 shipping total, regardless of the number of items in your cart. Gift certificates for your yoga-loving or spiritual friends are also available.

GIVEAWAY

One lucky reader of this blog will win a women’s black hoodie that says "breathe" (pictured below).

To enter, visit www.swamiboutique.com, look around, and come back here to leave a comment telling me your favorite item. This is mandatory to enter.

You can earn optional, additional entries by:

Becoming a fan of Swami Boutique on Facebook. Leave a comment. (1 entry)

Signing up for the Swami Boutique newsletter. Leave a comment with the email address you used to subscribe. (1 entry)

Following me (@ParentingAuthor) and Swami Boutique (@swamibaby) on Twitter and tweeting about this giveaway. You may tweet this giveaway twice a day. Leave a separate comment with the URL of each tweet. (It’s easy to tweet this giveaway by using the Bookmark button at the bottom of this post. 1 entry per tweet.)

Subscribing to Susan Heim on Parenting via email, RSS and/or Kindle (see sign-up options on left sidebar). Leave a comment for each subscription method. (up to 3 entries)

Following Susan Heim on Parenting through Google Friend Connect. Click on the “Follow” button on the left sidebar. Leave a comment. (1 entry)

Putting a button for Susan Heim on Parenting on your blog (the code is in the upper right-hand column of this site) and/or a text link on your blog roll. Post a comment with your blog’s URL. (1 entry for button; 1 entry for text link)

Posting this giveaway on your blog with a link to this page and Swami Boutique. Leave a comment with a direct link to the post. (3 entries; leave a separate comment for each)

One winner will be randomly selected from the qualified comments received by Wednesday, March 23, 2010, at midnight ET. Please leave an email address on one of your comments if it’s not available on your Blogger profile. Winners must respond within 72 hours or another winner will be drawn. U.S. addresses only.




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DISCLOSURE: I received a complimentary shirt to facilitate this review. No other compensation was provided.

We had a very scary situation happen this weekend. One of my six-year-old twins was wearing what’s commonly known as a “hoodie,” i.e., a sweatshirt with a hood attached. This one had a zipper down the front. We were at a basketball game, and he decided to jump off the side of the bleachers. His hood got caught on a rail that was open on the end, and he nearly hung himself! He was just hanging there by the hood, grasping at his neck and struggling to breathe. Fortunately, my husband was standing close by and managed to get him down before any serious damage was done … or worse. He now has some really bad scratches on his neck where the zipper was digging into it. He had a little swelling, too, but it was gone by the next day. I shudder to think what the outcome could have been if nobody had seen him fall. So, use caution with hoodies! I’m not going to get rid of ours, but I’ll definitely be more alert to circumstances where they might be a hazard.




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It’s time for Hallmark’s “Scare Up Some Fun” Halloween card contest! If you always wanted to be a greeting card designer, here’s a chance to get your idea published and make a little cash, too! Here’s how it works:

Conjure up one funny Halloween card, and enter it by the stroke of midnight, March 22, 2010.

Use photography, illustration, or design. Just make sure it’s:

• Funny and in the Halloween spirit
• Sendable (works for lots of adults)
• Cohesive (writing and images work together)

What you could win:

• $250 + plus admiration from Halloween fans everywhere for a card Hallmark chooses to sell at Hallmark.com
• $250 more if Hallmark also decides to put your spirited card in thousands of stores

You’ve got just one chance to enter the card you think will leave adults howling with laughter.

Dates you need to know:

Submission deadline: March 22, 2010
Online winners announced: May 2010
Buy online: May 2010
In-store winners announced: July 2010
Buy in stores: August-October, 2010

And, most importantly, the link to enter:
http://hallmarkcontests.com/page/CONTESTS/contest/ScareUpSomeFun

Competition tips and specifications can be found here:
http://hallmarkcontests.com/Page/Tips

Happy Halloween from Hallmark!




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DISCLOSURE: No compensation was provided to post this information. I'm just a Hallmark fan!

Do you know how valuable you are?

Do you want to be inspired and encouraged?

Are you in need of refreshment or rejuvenation?

Do you want to laugh?

A Hearts at Home conference gives moms the unique opportunity to pause along their mothering journey to refresh, refocus, and renew themselves. The 2010 National Conference, Mom’s the Word, is being held at the Bone Student Center of Illinois State University in Normal, Illinois on March 12-13.

See what others are saying about a Hearts at Home conference:

“I attended the conference this year for the first time. I enjoyed it immensely. I was lifted up, instructed, convicted, encouraged, and brought to tears, sometimes all at the same time.”

“I loved it. I feel so full of information. I need to sit and read my notes and just process it. It was really encouraging to hear all the speakers and be with all of those moms. Thanks so much!"

“This past weekend was awesome and life-changing. This was my first Hearts at Home Conference and I am telling everyone about it."

“I want to thank you all for keeping these conferences going each year and for making them so refreshing for women at various stages in their parenting.”

Hearts at Home wants all mothers to know how valuable they are! Check out this video for a small dose of encouragement from Nicole Johnson and be sure to join us March 12th-13th for more!

Featured guests include Nicole Johnson, author and motivational speaker, a favorite at Women of Faith, Jill Savage, author, international speaker, CEO and founder of Hearts at Home, and Christy Nockles, Dove Award nominee and formerly of Watermark.

Visit www.hearts-at-home.org for more information.




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DISCLOSURE: I'm a Hearts at Home blogger, which means that I get to share great news from Hearts at Home with you! No compensation is provided for my posts.

Has your toddler ever crawled in your lap when you’re on the computer and wanted to play with the keys on the keyboard? This can be frustrating because most programs aren’t designed to withstand a little one’s random hits on the keys. But now there’s a terrific new website that lets babies and toddlers play games just by touching the keys (no mouse required!).

KneeBouncers has 18 one-of-a-kind games that are specially designed for tiny tots. For example, in Music-Maker, the strings of a guitar light up and play a note every time a key is touched. In Choo-Choo, various parts of a train go into action when a key is hit. A monkey wakes up and does some funny moves in Wake Up Sammy. And other games teach about the Alphabet, Numbers, Shapes, and Colors. All of the games are very simple but colorful and interactive to entertain little ones. I love the adorable characters!

KneeBouncers is a free online program and very appropriate for babies and toddlers who want their first fun experience with the computer. There’s even an iApp available for entertaining your toddler on the go with your iPhone. So, the next time your toddler crawls into your lap to “play” on Mommy’s or Daddy’s computer, click over to www.KneeBouncers.com and put a big smile on that precious little face!




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DISCLOSURE: No compensation was provided for this review.

Like a lot of moms, I rely on a cup of coffee to jumpstart my day. Needless to say, not just any coffee will do. It’s got to taste good, too! I especially like the brands that contain 100% Colombian Coffee. Their reputation as the “richest coffee in the world” definitely works for me!

And now there’s another reason to applaud 100% Colombian Coffee. They’re holding the “See What’s Behind the Best” sweepstakes! Just go to www.whatsbehindthebest.com to learn about the philosophy behind 100% Colombian Coffee and enter to win great prizes. The grand prize is $10,000!

And here’s something that might be fun to take the family to: Juan Valdez and his mule, Conchita, are embarking on a tour across the United States. Click here to see when he is coming to your city!

And don’t forget to enter the sweepstakes. I just did!


Links
Sweepstakes page: http://www.whatsbehindthebest.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/_juan_valdez
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/100percentcolombiancoffee




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DISCLOSURE: As a thank-you for spreading the word, MomSelect is entering participating bloggers into a drawing to win a 100% Colombian Coffee pack and a $100 American Express gift card.