Controversial?

Maybe.

The human brain is pretty amazing. Neurons are created and then as our little ones grow and experience their environment, neurons are pared down. The right kind of stimulation at the right age is definitely helpful. As brain areas develop for processing senses and movement, then spatial orientation and language and then the integrating of impressions, we can sort of follow that developing brain path.

Recently, while chatting with a few parents on this topic, I realized that they thought that teaching subjects to their little ones (apart from eating, crawling, walking and not touching things), was related to “direct” teaching methods only and not a “good” thing to do.

Most had the unspoken attitude that when their little ones reached preschool age, the schools would do the direct teaching. Otherwise, their children would absorb what was in their home environment. And some of this I would agree with.

But, we are hard wired to learn.

And since direct teaching is one of several ways to teach our little ones, and since the paring down of neurons takes place at a rapid pace in our little ones, we may wish to reconsider how, when and what we teach them.

Some parents are learning that this is a great period (from 0-5) to expose our children to a second language, maybe some reading, maybe some math.

During this age range, our little ones haven’t learned as many of the biases that they will absorb as they get older, so “teaching young” can be a boon to them. Especially helping them to learn how not to be so biased or inflexible. Or how to have a positive relationship with more academic topics.

Since certain parental teaching can fit in with our biological development, “teaching young” may be much more helpful then we thought. Instead of pushing learning off for schools to handle, “teaching young” may allow our children to learn things at an earlier age, setting the stage for more fruitful learning later on.

The consideration may be a mix of direct, indirect and catalytic teaching methods.

What do you think? Have you begun to teach your little ones or are you waiting for the schools to do it? In what ways are you teaching your children?

all content The New Parent © 2008

The other morning my daughter came out of her room to show me how she had dressed herself for school. For about the past year she has been choosing her own color combinations (with oversight from mom and dad) and now as a 5 year old, well, I smiled at how nicely she did.

When my little one was a baby, I said to my wife that we’re not having any “battles” over choosing clothes with our daughter. We will give her the tools to choose appropriate clothing and then guide her and build on that information.

Well, many parents told me that this would be a big issue and that much conflict would ensue. I remember saying---why? If my little one combines clothes that don’t work together, we would simply suggest an alternative and explain why the odd pairing doesn’t work. They laughed and mocked my apparent naivete.

Now it’s years later and we have not had a single “battle” over the topic of dressing oneself. Whew.

So here are some thoughts on avoiding the not inevitable clothing “war”:
• first make sure your little one is aware of who’s in charge;
• start them young with simple color coordination—yellow goes with yellow, blue with blue, etc.;
• let them know that, generally, all colors go with black + white;
• when you buy clothes for your little ones, keep in mind that solids are easier to match initially. This is helpful to them;
• once you see that they are easily matching their solid colors, introduce patterns (that have a pronounced color) with a solid (that matches that color);
• when it comes to patterns--show them how to scan their initial choice, say a shirt, and then choose pants that match one of the pattern colors;
• start them young with your being able to change their choice. This will put you in a good position later when they walk out of their room wearing a dotted shirt and striped pants/leggings;
• remember, this is a wonderful exploration for them, so be a guide not a military commander;
• every once in a while they will match a specific color from a shirt pattern with a solid pant color and it doesn’t really work. Unless it’s painfully weird, let it go.
• but, it’s important to be mindful that you are teaching them a skill—color coordinating—so they should be visually accurate most of the time.

This can be such a positive experience for our little ones, especially if you teach it when they’re learning their colors. We may actually want to consider teaching them how to dress as an extension of learning their colors, not as a place to explore melodrama (wink).

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A couple of weeks ago, while at a picnic for my daughter’s school, the children were using the big slide. A group of about five little ones, crowded at the top, waiting for their turn to slide down. But, instead of waiting they all pushed their way onto the slide and slid down one behind the other. My daughter was one of them.

As the first child in the row slowed because her rubber shoes gripped the slide, each child in turn bumped the one in front of them. My daughter’s head hit the back of the child in front of her, pushing her tooth into her lip. Needless to say, it hurt!

My daughter looked over at me and began to cry.

What I saw was that this group of little ones had not accomplished an important skill: knowing when to do something.

Now, I’ve been working with my daughter to help her begin to understand that there are times to do certain things, but there are also times not to do certain things. If a child starts the process of learning when to do certain activities and when not to do other activities, it can help that child have greater self control.

One of the ways in which we can guide them through this process is by setting up different scenarios and watching what they do, then correcting what needs to be corrected. I’ve found this approach superior to the “correct them verbally, after they make a mistake” approach. Also, setting up different scenarios can have a fun component, similar to roll playing.

One scenario that’s helpful to the family is a morning one. When to get up, when to come into the parent’s room, when to make louder sounds and so forth.

First give directions: when should they arise, when should they come into your room, etc.

Then watch as they attempt to accomplish this. As they go through the process, help guide them with explanation--when activities are done at the wrong time, it can lead to an incompatible situation. In this scenario, the incompatibility comes form their urge to continue to be unaware of others around them.

So, my little one will learn that when at the park and waiting to go down the slide with other children, the “when to do it” is after the child in front of you is finished sliding and is off the slide.

For my daughter, it was a painful lesson.

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Well, I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much recently, but my little one came down with pneumonia. Poor thing, a 105.6 fever had us concerned. She was so listless and not too hungry (which is amazing for her). We were on the verge of taking her to the emergency room when her fever broke.

About three months ago we bought a wonderful, sweet tempered parakeet, who became sick and after much medical care, recently died.

My little one had begun to develop a close relationship with this good natured bird and made sure she spent time with him everyday.

Upon his death, she was confronted for the first time, with something close, passing away.

For us, it was a time to guide our little one through, what could have been a clumsy, awkward, sometimes uncomfortable situation. Instead, it turned out to have many positive elements.

I saw that our demeanor during this period, especially when discussing the situation was important. We never overstated, nor presented his death with exaggeration. When talking about his dying, we were calm, sometimes a little solemn, but never morbid.

We framed the death for our daughter--death is part of the experience of living and that’s OK--so that she didn’t become disturbed and filled with a sense of worry. Since she was about 2 years old, we have gently introduced her to the idea of death through positive stories, casual conversation and visual aids.

After framing Mattie’s (that was the name she gave him) death for her, we let the questions come from her, we didn’t probe or push her to try and do something 4 year olds generally aren’t that adept at doing--explaining their feelings about something.

We also watched to see if she might have wonderings, but not be able to fully articulate them.

All this helped her to absorb this event and move through it without diverting toward the macabre. Also, we never tried to present to her fantastic ideas that we don’t really know. If any questions were asked that we couldn’t answer or didn’t know, we gently told her that we didn’t know but could seek answers as she got older.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Will Mattie be eaten by the insects?” she asked in a calm, inquisitive tone.

“No, sweetie.”
(He was actually cremated.)

“Will Mattie come back?” she asked with a soft smile on her face.

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“So, what does your daughter watch on TV?” I was asked by a parent one afternoon.

“Well,” I began with hesitation, “she doesn’t watch much TV, but when we do, it’s mostly documentaries.”

“Documentaries?” was the surprised response.

“What do your little ones watch?” I countered, evasively.

“Oh, American Idol, cartoons, some educational CD’s, mostly what we’re watching,” she answered.

Then surprisingly she asked, “Why documentaries?”

“Occasionally she’ll watch a PBS kid’s show and I noticed that she never asked any questions or showed any involvement with the show, other then sitting there and staring and the obligatory imitation of what she saw. A pretty passive experience,” I said.

“Then I got the idea to introduce her to documentary movies that had information that fit into things she was reading about,” I continued.

“Like what documentaries?” she asked.

“March of the Penguins; Winged Migration and the Life of Birds,” I answered.

“What happened was so interesting---while watching these movies, she had dozens of wonderful questions and she showed such exuberance. She also would try to explain what she had seen and would try to fit it into the world around her with great observations,” I added.

“I guess for me, it’s less about thrusting a child into a “cartoon world” and more about sparking a child’s burgeoning curiosity about this world around them,” I said.

“Well, I know my kids like American Idol and I don’t know if they’d sit through a documentary,” she added. “When they watch the educational CD’s they do repeat what they’ve seen---my daughter learned how to count to 10.”

“Documentaries are also such a time commitment,” she posited.

“They can be, but we don’t watch them for more then 15 minutes at a time--say, every third or fourth day---it can take weeks to watch one documentary,” I laughed.

“Well, it was nice to see you, talk again soon,” I said as I waved goodbye.

“You too, bye now,” she replied.

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While putting my daughter to bed one night, in her dark room, she said, “Can you see, Daddy?”

I said, “Not yet, honey.”

She said, “You can’t see yet until your cuticles get adjusted in the dark!”

Cuticles--I smiled at her words.
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One evening, while watching the movie “The March of the Penguins,” one of the baby penguins wasn’t walking away from the parent as it should do, so my little one said, “Is that one of the hesitant ones?”

“Yes, “ I responded.

“The parent is moving it to the chick group,” she continued.

Then she asked, “Did you see how those chicks formed a huddle and how they pulled so hard?”

She continued, “If the chicks saw a predator, they would huddle and screech as loud as they can!”

“They would do that,” I grinned.
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My Mom is in a dementia facility and doesn't talk easily on the phone, so one afternoon while on the phone with my Mom, my daughter asked me to send her love.

When I got off the phone, my little one said, “I sent my love to Grandma, Dad. I sent my whole body’s love--my nose’s love, my leg’s love, my eye’s love and all the other things like my veins and my arterie’s love---I’m sending sooo much love!”
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Early one evening, my little one and I were having a light bite to eat, when she put down her cheese and crackers and looked at me with a smile and said, “There are so many interesting things to be—so, I think I’ll be an all-worker!”

An all-worker, hmmm ... “You mean when you become an adult?” I guessed.

“Yes, an all-worker,” she repeated, “I’ll do a different job every day!”

Ah, a person who does many jobs because they’re all so interesting--an all-worker!


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