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 I just spent the last few days reading an interesting article on why children lie. The researchers concluded that parents teach them how to lie. From what I’ve observed, that’s just part of the story. Yes, I’ve seen that we do contribute to our kids learning how to lie, but their peers also play a very important role in that process. Some parents I’ve spoken with tell me that once their little ones are exposed to a peer group they pick up lying.I’ve watched my own daughter learn about lying from her peers.So, a more complete picture would be that our kids pick up lying from us and from their peers (also older siblings). I’m in the kitchen with my little one and we’re making lunch. She’s reaching for something while chatting and suddenly--boom--she knocks over parts of the sandwich onto the floor. I say, “Honey, let’s focus on what we’re doing.”She looks at me and says, “I didn’t do it.”Me with an incredulous, but curious look on my face, “Uh, who did it?”“The dog,” she counters.I then say, “Honey, tell me the facts--what happened?”She then says she knocked over the sandwich. Amazing.-------------------------------------------------------------------------What is lying?Well, one aspect is when we “intentionally” make a false statement or are deceptive. But another part of lying seems to be when we pretend to know things, but don’t really. The first part is pretty easy--what are the facts and do they contradict the deception.But the second kind of lying--imagining or pretending as if we know, when we really don’t have a clue--goes somewhat unnoticed. When we’re chatting with friends, business acquaintances, etc. we often act as if we know things---about God, science, psychology, children--and may even venture many opinions on things that we don’t understand or have not experienced at all.This is lying too. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Regarding the first form of lying: when our little ones answer our queries with unfactual statements, it may be best not to say, “Now tell me the truth!” or “That’s not the truth!” or “Why are you lying!” or, well, you get the point. It might be more helpful to ask them calmly, “Honey, let’s see what the facts are.” or “Honey, tell me what the facts were.” It may be counter productive to set up a struggle between the truth and lying at such a young age. Explain the different between fact and fiction--between pretending and describing the facts.Regarding the second form of lying: we may wish to consider modeling what we factually are familiar with and what information we simply don’t know. It may be helpful to show how we seek information when we don’t know or don’t understand. We might also try guiding their curiosity toward greater understanding and not toward simply saying, “I know how to do that.” or “I know that.” Sometimes, “I don’t know, but please help me understand more,” is a legitimate answer?all content The New Parent © 2007
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 The wonderful Leah from Leah’s Cafe would like The Whole Truth and nothing but the truth from me. The idea is to tell you things that I don’t like. Now, there aren’t many things that I think about not liking. I’m not a person prone to having pet peeves or being annoyed at others. For me, being pissed off is simply not helpful. I’d rather put my energy into figuring out how I might alter something in a better way. But that being said, there are things in this world that don’t sit well with me.For instance: - The belief that it’s useful to “give” our emotional negativity to another.None of us really wants it.- The belief that we can actually solve disputes through violence.“...all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.”- The belief that we can “know” God.Something that profoundly “big” is by definition unknowable.- The belief that science can solve everything.It does raise a lot of interesting questions, though.- The belief that children must go through the terrible twos.Kids are taught certain things -- like defiance -- early. The terrible twos might be a response to that learning.- The belief that humans can actually be divided into races.Race definitions are imprecise, arbitrary, and derived from custom.- The belief that we have the “right” to condemn others when we do the same thing.Has hypocrisy become aspirational?- The belief that politeness doesn’t really matter.People desire respect--maybe politeness is a cornerstone of respect?- The belief that pleasure is a “high” goal.Could it possibly be a by-product that serves to “motivate” us?- The belief that reward & punishment is a necessary model to instill boundaries.We may have alternatives that are healthier and less doctrinaire.- The belief that beliefs are a sufficient way of viewing life and worth holding on to.Since belief is a state in which we are convinced of the truth or validity of a proposition or premise (without the ability to adequately prove or verify it), it may simply be another word for opinion.- The belief that boys will be boys.Possibly a rationalization for the enabling of unruly, wild, and conflictual behavior?OK, that’s my thoughts on things that make me go hmmmm ... or don’t sit well with me. It’s the whole truth (smile) or maybe a little truth (wink) from me. Now I’m tagging a few others to come clean with the truth on things that just don’t sit well with them. SweetpeaHealth Freak MommyZAM JO-N Sabinemall content The New Parent © 2007
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