NO. UH, UH. NOPE. NAW. NAH. It’s interesting. Not only do we tend to use this word a lot, but because our little ones can pronounce it easily, we encourage its use--without any real thought--early on. Our young ones first words are generally “da” and “no” (please refer to post http://thenewparent.blogspot.com/2006/). But are all words equal?There’s a tendency on our part to treat words as if they are equal in their intent and power. “No” is a powerful word. It can stop the world for a child. The moment our little ones learn “no,” they have quite a bit of power. We’ve all experienced this (smile). Yet, it’s a power given without any responsibility. It’s a power we give to our children without thinking. After awhile we realize they’re using it frequently and, boy, does it get in the way of learning!The word “no” should be treated with respect. It’s an important word but we may wish to consider not teaching it until other skills are in place with our children. Once they can follow direction, understand who’s in charge and exhibit respect (say about 2 1/2 to 3 years old), then “no” can be integrated into their lexicon. In the meantime, we might want to consider teaching them how to say “yes.”Remember, “no” is a powerful word. It has its place, but there has to be a sense of how and when to use it. “No” indicates the opposite; disagreement, and contradiction. It stops information from being received. But we adults use the word “no” a lot. So how can we avoid teaching them a word that we use so much?In 5 More Loving Things to do with Our Kids I offered a suggestion, well, maybe a little challenge. I want to focus on that challenge for just a moment. Choose a day. Say to yourself, “Today, I’m going to make note of all the times I use the word “no.” Count all its variations, too. Jot down a tick mark on a scrap of paper every time you use “no” or one of its variants. At the same time, make another column and mark how many times you use the word “yes.”This will give us an indication of the task at hand.When I first realized that teaching “no” to my child as one of her first words was well, crazy, I also realized I had to teach myself self-control. For a period of about 2 years I explained this to friends and family and asked for their help around my daughter. They helped me.My daughter didn’t really learn the word “no” until she was going on 3 and then other skills were in place. She never had that word to use to inflame a tantrum or as a foundation for defiance. She learned “yes” first and has always been open to direction, and new information. When she uses defiance as a tool to assert what she’s been learning, it is easily mitigated by explanation. In other words, she is open to reason, sensitivity, agreement and appropriateness.OK, take the challenge and let me know what you find out. Let’s gauge our level of negativity by seeing how much we use “no.” Then let’s discuss how to transform this interesting dilemma.all content The New Parent © 2007