 Some time back, when my little one was about two, I realized something.First, she was learning how to express her desires by imitating the phrase--I want. Second, she was imitating the opposite--I don’t want.As I was chatting with some parent friends, I noticed that when their young ones expressed the “I want” or the “I don’t want” phrases after they were given a request, it threw parents off balance. They seem to show a loss of control and went nervously into the “I’ve got to give my kid what they want or don’t want” mode. The other thing I observed was that some parents would do the converse--simply tell their children they couldn’t have it. Well, as you can guess, this generally led to conflict.It made me wonder.Were these two phrases--”I want” and “I don’t want”--cause for such a loss of parental control? What was a possible option when our children uttered these words?Interestingly, once a child says them, they may actually be GIVING over leadership to the parent. Now, I know, you might be thinking, what? Many parents I’ve spoken with say that when their children start with the “I wants” or the “I don’t wants” they feel their kids are “taking control of the situation.”But for me, when a child expresses a strong desire for something (with those two phrases), what they might really be saying is, “I will do most anything to have that.” That means that many activities can be inserted into a situation before that desire is “fulfilled”. This can nullify conflict and allow everyone to move forward in a more healthy manner.Hmmm ... could that be? Does that mean we actually have a GREATER ability to guide our kids when they express those two phrases? In short--YES!Once our kids are telling us they want or don’t want something we CAN actually insert other activities into the situation. So, my little one said to me the other day as we were about to sit down to dinner, “I want to play with my doll house.”I thought for a moment. Sounds fine to me. But, dinner is about to be served, it will get cold and it was getting late. And I also knew she was hungry. Potential conflict situation?I then said, “Playing with your doll house would be a nice thing to do, so let’s have dinner first and then after we finish, you take out the doll house and we’ll play.” She smiled and said fine. No conflict. Now, the lessons my daughter is learning out of this “insertion process” are: the “art” of agreement; how to fulfill a request even when you may wish to do something else first; and how to work harmoniously with others.Try it. When your little one says “I want” or “I don’t want” something, before you give in to their request (if it’s reasonable), insert something else that may have to be accomplished. Say something like, “That’s fine honey, come, let’s do x (insert the first thing that’s necessary) and then we’ll get right to (what they requested).”all content The New Parent © 2007
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