About three months ago we bought a wonderful, sweet tempered parakeet, who became sick and after much medical care, recently died.My little one had begun to develop a close relationship with this good natured bird and made sure she spent time with him everyday.Upon his death, she was confronted for the first time, with something close, passing away.For us, it was a time to guide our little one through, what could have been a clumsy, awkward, sometimes uncomfortable situation. Instead, it turned out to have many positive elements.I saw that our demeanor during this period, especially when discussing the situation was important. We never overstated, nor presented his death with exaggeration. When talking about his dying, we were calm, sometimes a little solemn, but never morbid.We framed the death for our daughter--death is part of the experience of living and that’s OK--so that she didn’t become disturbed and filled with a sense of worry. Since she was about 2 years old, we have gently introduced her to the idea of death through positive stories, casual conversation and visual aids. After framing Mattie’s (that was the name she gave him) death for her, we let the questions come from her, we didn’t probe or push her to try and do something 4 year olds generally aren’t that adept at doing--explaining their feelings about something.We also watched to see if she might have wonderings, but not be able to fully articulate them. All this helped her to absorb this event and move through it without diverting toward the macabre. Also, we never tried to present to her fantastic ideas that we don’t really know. If any questions were asked that we couldn’t answer or didn’t know, we gently told her that we didn’t know but could seek answers as she got older.“Mommy?” “Yes, honey?”“Will Mattie be eaten by the insects?” she asked in a calm, inquisitive tone.“No, sweetie.” (He was actually cremated.) “Will Mattie come back?” she asked with a soft smile on her face.all content The New Parent © 2007