Alternative Mom has a very interesting and heartfelt post up called “Being Gracious--start young.” I’m a big fan of the Alternative Mom’s blog and wanted to dovetail her thoughts into something I’ve been thinking about lately--what are the “guidelines” we parents use to gauge the development of our children?If we wish to have children that put forth grace into the world, we need some sense of what the standards might be, so we can gauge how our little ones are moving toward that goal.Now I want to say right up front that this is a work-in-progress, and I’ll need your input! We may not agree at first on the standards being presented, but if we can come up with a solid list to refer to, we’ll at least have a sense of where our children are relative to learning how to be gracious.That being said, what is a standard?Here I’m using the idea as a measure of attainment. If our children can do these things by age 4, then I believe they will have a better foundation to go into their peer group with skills that can lead them (and others around them) toward gracefulness. Now, I’m using the word “grace” as containing the ideas of a refinement of movement (kind words, thoughtful responses, etc.) and simple elegance (not quick to judge or demean, helpfulness, and the like).My thought is that if we have points of reference, we can better gauge if we’re giving our little ones those elements that form a solid foundation for the development of graciousness.OK, here goes:• having the ability (generally, without being told) to put away the things they use when they are finished with them;• basic level of politeness--generally being able to say: thank you; no thank you; excuse me; hello; may I; and I’m sorry;• ability to come when called the first time (not the second, third or fourth);• able to help with general family activities--setting the table, clean up, dressing themselves, etc.;• generally capable of sharing with parents (food, books, toys) and learning to share with other children;• capable of following directions with one and two steps. For example: put your t-shirt into the hamper and then take out fresh underpants; • knowing who’s in charge;• learning to listen and wait your turn.These are ones that I thought, if (generally) accomplished by about 4 years of age, would lay a wonderful foundation for group cooperation, a beginning sense of kindness and thoughtfulness, and point toward graciousness in the future.Now, I offer it up to you all!all content The New Parent © 2007