I was visiting friends a few days ago with my little one. Now their two children who can get pretty rambunctious. When the Mom wanted to focus them on a particular topic, she would say something like, “We’re going to do something exciting!” or “Isn’t that exciting!”Now, for some time I’ve been watching how excitement is used by us to try and focus our little ones on becoming interested in something. But, what is excitement? Why do we resort to that specific tool?From what I’m starting to understand, excitement is our way to encourage strong feelings (eagerness, enthusiasm) in our children. Much of the time we’re not mindful that we’re actually using the tool of excitement. It’s seen as a kind of “short cut” in our attempts to try and focus our little ones on a specific activity.But from what I can observe, the outcome tends towards over stimulation, loss of focus (the opposite of what we want) and a difficulty in transitioning from one activity to the next. In other words, it shifts a child away from: a calm state, learning how to take direction and listening effectively.So excitement and the language of excitement may not be the best tool for us to use when trying to direct our children’s attention. We may want to consider using calm and the language of calmness to direct our little ones.Many different cultures use excitement as a way to get attention. It’s not by accident that advertisers use excitement as an attention getting tool. Teachers many times use excitement to try and get a child interested in a subject.Excitement is a feeling that our kids “get” from the time they are babies. By using this tool to such a persistent degree, we may actually be working against what we are trying to accomplish--having our children transition without conflict, getting them to focus without scolding and helping them learn that most activities in life may require calm.So, I’m taking my daughter to the zoo tomorrow. She’s never been to this particular zoo. I didn’t start a week in advance “talking it up,” trying to build excitement. The day before, I will let her know that we are going to the zoo tomorrow. Why? Because the activity of going to the zoo is exciting in itself. She doesn’t need me to “sell” it to her. Like advertisers, we do tend to “sell” things to our kids by using excitement. But going to the zoo is stimulating by itself. All activities have their own level of stimulation.I think in our attempts to avoid conflict or confrontation, we sometimes mindlessly grab an emotional tool like excitement to “sell” what we want to our kids.We do have alternatives--lowering the emotional threshold so that calmness is perceived as viable; not starting an emotional buildup days (and sometimes weeks) in advance of an activity; allowing the specific activity to be stimulating in itself (without our need to arouse); avoiding asking our little ones persistently if something excites them; realizing we may be pushing excitement because we’ve learned to need a certain level of stimulation.So, I’m learning that excitement is a tool and like all tools it has a function. Maybe we’re all overusing it?all content The New Parent © 2007